The Eclectic Quill

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Poem (age 11)

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I'll add this to my short story from when I was 15 and my poem from when I was 18.  We were given the (brilliant) assignment in class to update a nursery rhyme.  This was such a good idea for whoever put it together -- the teacher, or if it was on state curriculum or something.  I was assigned "Jack and Jill".

Jack and Jill (updated)

Jack and Jill drove up the hill and hit another commuter
Jack jumped out and hopped about and fell on his Apple computer
A cop was hailed and Jack was jailed and this was the final decision
For when he struck that Nissan truck he caused a four-car collision

(This is probably either a good argument for why you would have wanted to know me at age 11 or a good argument why you would not have.  Not sure.)

4 Responses to Poem (age 11)

  1. Just so you know, this has supplanted the canonical version of Jack and Jill in my head.

  2. mcgees.org says:

    Jordon, I laughed out loud at that with someone sleeping in the next room.  Thanks!  :-D

  3. Dave (Site Brother) says:

    I'm with Jordon. :)

    We were given a similar assignment in... fifth(?) grade, which was to write the next part to a nursery rhyme. I chose "The King was in the counting house..." And I wrote this:

    "Amsterdam and pumpernickel!" the maid just then did shout.
    Now the bird she hated, for it had got her snout.
    She snatched the bird and struggled long and finally got her nose.
    And then, instead of the bird having hers, she [word] took the crow's.

    I don't remember what that [word] was. I think it might have been "then", which would have been unfortunate. It might also have been "just" which doesn't parse. GOD why wasn't I a better poet when I was ten?

    Note: it was still better than the winner of the 2004 subway poetry contest.

  4. mcgees.org says:

    I think it might have been “then”

    That's how I recall it.  I also think it was in Ms. A's, not Mr. Gillis's.  Yeah, the iambs go and have a little birdy field trip in the last line.  Maybe "And now instead of losing hers she reached and took the crows"?  Shame on you for not having your ten-year-old's poetry scan!

    Note: it was still better than the winner of the 2004 subway poetry contest. » That's an adventure I'm not interested in having.  Count me out.  I'm taking the bus downtown next time.

    Homie, I told you you should've taken the bus!

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